I Turn 40.

So I think it says a lot about how I prioritize things that my children's birthdays all get posts on my blog, but I let my own birthday just slip on by, even though it is one of those "big" ones.
Last August I celebrated my 40th year on this Earth, by myself, thousands of miles from home. I was in Vegas for Black Hat and DEFCON.

I know some people like to make a big deal of their birthdays (cough, cough, H (aka Cupcake Girl)) but I am a more reserved person who is happiest with a meal and some cake shared with family.

It is funny, I don't feel 40. I am probably lighter and in better shape than I was 20 years ago. I have a beautiful wife, 2 awesome children, 1 great cat and 1 good cat, and a job that I like and that pays well (and I even got to fulfill my dream of being a member of the US Military). Does my life seem hectic? Yep. But busy is better than not having all these wonderful things in my life. I feel like I have done a lot already in my life and there is a lot more to do and I look forward to the future.

Loss

One of the hardest parts of getting older is the steady loss of the next higher generation from yours. My parents were both the youngest of their families, and they had us later than the norm for their generation (in their mid-30's). Losses like what happened last week are hard and there really isn't much time in the modern hectic schedule to step back and ponder the losses as they come.

On Thursday afternoon, as I was leaving the grocery store with both children my Dad called to let me know that my Uncle Gerry had passed away (we knew he was in bad shape, my Mom was actually there when he passed away). Honestly it took a while for me to process, since the minutia of daily life (I still had to get the kids home, get them fed, pack for yet another weekend of military duty (my third in a row)) just didn't give me any processing time. It really didn't hit me until Saturday night when I was coming back from dinner and the audio book I was listening to hit a touch point for me (I don't deal well with children being in danger/injured/killed much since I have become a father) but I recognized that it wasn't about the story but me finally processing what had happened (I was so glad I had a room to myself, a rarity in my Army career) because, for a rare moment, I had no one to worry about but myself and nothing to do until morning.

My Facebook status, that I could finally post in on Sunday morning (after a good cry the previous night)
"RIP to my Uncle Gerry(Father Gerard O'Shea, LCDR (r) USN). He passed away Thursday afternoon. I think my brother Gregory summed it up best, "the world is a little less nicer without him". He married my parents, baptized me, married me and baptized my children. Heavens gain, our loss."

My Irish cousin's was also pretty good:
My first cousin, Rev. Gerard O'Shea, has passed on after an illness. 
He was the eldest son of my aunt Nora, who went to the U.S. when she was young. She had three children, of whom Mary Julianne (Judy) Buchholz remains. Gerry was a Lieut Commander in the U.S. Navy. He joins his brother Kevin and my two brothers Ian and Denis Raphael. Requiem aeterna dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis. Requiescant in pace.

My kid's with Gerry in May 2016

My brother Barry's christening 

 Gerry in his prime

 Easter 1947